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ASB Tattle-Tellers Running The World While Strung Out On Coffee Poised To Reject Bitcoin

From author of Bitcoinomics, Justin O’Connell

Bitcoin skeptics don’t understand one important thing: that virtual currencies are already here and they’ll have, most likely, no effect whatsoever on that. First of all, everyone knows that the Federal Reserve acts as a plague of egomania blinding all of society to its self-important cruel and insane way of living. That’s mostly because former Associated Student Body kids are running monetary policy. That means two things: 1) the tattle-tellers are in charge and 2) they’re still sucking on the teet of some wrinkly and pungent Principal, now referred to as a “President”, who is still wearing a suit and tie day-in, day-out nonetheless. And, that’s with all due respect to the President of course. But, really, some shady building down the block known as the “district office” or, in adult life, the Pentagon, is really responsible for the whole thing. These former Associated Student Body reps are faithful to the number one drug-pusher on the streets: Starbucks. Sipping on some Joe for many years in a row, stooped in habit, has led to a numbed state of yes-saying, a hallucination where straight ahead is the only mode.

One of the main reasons people are not interested in virtual currencies is because it is too much to keep track of. 31 flavors and burger-styles 1-12 are one thing, but a potentially limitless menu of decentralized cryptographic currencies? Well, WTF? Most people already endure their boss yelling at them 9-5 about a vast array of things that have virtually no consequence on my daily life, and now I’ve got to worry about my significant other asking for monthly statements and low interest auto loans? No…No…No…What we need, they’ll reason, is something different. Nope. We don’t need choice. We need Coke. Or Pepsi. Republican or Democrat; Universal or Warner; gold or silver…cash or credit.

We think we’re as open-minded and liberal as ever. After all, we’re all for gay marriage, right? There’s a choice. In fact, there are two choices. A man, and a man, can get married or not. See, two choices when before their were really none. So that’s an improvement, right? Not really.  Of course, two men do have an inalienable right to have a third party arbiter make their two-way a three-way. But, unfortunately, that does not get us out of the matrix. The only thing that can get us out of the matrix is a sea of choices for people to make for themselves, with no force or threat of being thrown in a cage. As people make these innumerable choices through their now meaningful lives, they can for the first time get to know themselves and their preferences than if they had never had choice to begin with. As Karl Marx said – and I am not a Karl Marx fan mostly because I don’t share his daddy issues – to paraphrase, the people don’t know what the revolution will be until they’ve begun the revolution. And, although Karl would have been an avid supporter of ASB governments run by children at area pre-schools, he’s got a point.

Alas, most people are too scared for that. Everyone wants change in the world, but when change is brought by a stork to their front porch, they reject the incipient life. Fuck it, let’s just keep rolling with what we’ve got. We’ve got time to fuck if we really want to, so why should we change it up after all this time. It’s tradition. Especially we Americans think so. After all, we’ve basically gotten off with two scraped knees and nothing more with endless war for centuries, massive wealth confiscations from everyone to a very shady minority twice per century, “programming” and a thought-pool about as deep as a freeway billboard while you’re racing to work at 80 miles an hour with a burning hot coffee in your hand behind us. “Wait, what did that scantily clad woman want me to read back there?” Fender bender.

Those who will be using cryptographic currencies like Bitcoin are gonna be very different from your average Homo. They might have, at a younger age, say, taken a bit of time to smell the roses. Or maybe they chewed some fungi along the way and had to deal with misplacing their ego and not being able to find it like most men do each morning before work with their keys and wallets. (It’s because we don’t have a bag to put it in, clearly) So, they understand that, in the modern world, there can be as many different types  money as drugs. Weed, LSD, DMT, Mushrooms, Salvia, MDMA, Ectasy. Bitcoin, Litecoin, Ripple, OpenCoin. Many of these individuals’ reactions won’t be the introverted thoughts and careful sentences of a computer scientist. Nope. They’re probably much more often something like, “woah, you mean I can, like, share value other than extremely inflated pirate music market at which one song is now trading at about $1 million after litigation? That’s a trippp…”

And, it’s these peoples on whom the fate of the world rests.

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